


His Sunlight

by The Bluebell (UndergroundSP), UndergroundSP



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Angst, Character Death, Consensual Underage Sex, M/M, Masturbation, One Shot, Out of Character, Sex Toys, anyways i'm not editing this shit, i'm suffering, please give me a hug, sad masturbation, take it or leave it, this is really self indulgent i'm so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:14:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27795199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UndergroundSP/pseuds/The%20Bluebell, https://archiveofourown.org/users/UndergroundSP/pseuds/UndergroundSP
Summary: When sunlight comes, he will be mine.A fic in which Butters reminisces on the past.
Relationships: Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch
Kudos: 19





	His Sunlight

Leopold "Butters" Stotch had an awful streak in life. His dad had a streak of grounding him constantly and his mother, an overzealous Christ-lover with OCD, overlooked her son's struggles. His friends, bar from a few (like Dougie and Kyle), were awful. He grew up with his entire block, small town South Park, practically using him for their every desires. Cartman, for more than one reason, making him do his dirty work, embarrassing him, lying to him... Leopold knew better now, and can stand up for himself, but there were times where he'd go back to his own way and bend the knee for him. Cartman... no, Eric, always had ulterior motive. Enemies called him by last name, but people he could use called him _Eric_. It felt more personal. Like you were his friend. Leopold's only friend, and... _fiancé_ , Kenny McCormick, was dead.

The news hit him like a brick. He had just _seen_ Kenny the day before he received the news. "It's impossible that he's dead," Leopold told himself. "Kenny can't die." But he knew better, right? He just refused to face reality and grow up like everyone else around him did. Stan's been downing alcohol like it was his since he was ten, Kyle was always more mature and morally-strong than the gang, and Cartman was _too_ cunning and manipulative to be a real fucking person. Kenny... even if sex-obsessed, it made sense. He had an awful home life, like Leopold - but unlike his Buttercup, he could stick up for himself, and others too, which Leopold couldn't do himself.

The blonde-haired boy laid back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling above. He was far away from his parents and friends now. He was at college, studying nightly in his dorm room and ignoring other people. Despite being an extrovert, anxiety made it impossible for him to make new friends, and friendships practically didn't exist for studyheads like Butters. Hell, he'd bet nobody even knew his name. He still talked to Dougie, and maybe Kyle or Stan would send texts asking how he was, but he was so far away from everything he both hated and missed. If anything fell apart, though, he could always return to South Park, because God knows his parents would welcome him back home with open arms-

_Ugh._

He rolled his eyes, practically at his own thoughts, as if something had possessed his mind to think of something like that. _Stay away from the parent talk,_ Butters told himself. His mind drifted, it lingered, and it settled on... Kenny McCormick. He remembered his grin - how he missed one tooth, how soft his lips were when he kissed him, the lovely noises he made... He remembered his blue eyes - how they dilated when they noticed him, the way he'd droop his eyelids when his pupils explored from meeting Leopold's eyes, down to his lips, the way they fluttered when he got closer to kiss him, and...

A whine was caught in his throat. He was hard and instinctively placed a hand on the tent in his sweatpants. It had been a while since he'd last touched himself. He hadn't even done anything major with himself ever since Kenny... _died_ , other than move to Denver. He felt hesitant - it felt like he was doing something so taboo. Touch himself. But then a little voice in his head reminded him - _Leopold, you're twenty-one now, in a college dorm, with no parents to ground you or people to record you and spread rumors with_. And with that encouraging thought pushing the hesitation aside just slightly, he reached into his pants, under his white briefs, and began jerking slowly.

This felt wrong. But even then, he continued pumping his hand. "O-oh," he squealed softly into his left hand, jerking with his right. Without anything to think of, he was going to get soft again, so he thought of the obvious - Kenny McCormick, towering over him, helping him jerk off with a smirk on his face. He imagined him laying next to him, propping his head up on his hand, elbow digging into the soft mattress, with his right hand reaching into his pants. The thought made his knees bend, stretching his thighs closer to his chest, and spread his legs further.

"Kenny," he moaned needily. One of his fingers traced over his lips, reminding him of how soft Kenny's lips were on him, how he always treated him with a soft kindness, always placing him on a pedestal. _I don't deserve that._ A tear rolled down his cheek, and he dumbly blinked in surprise, only for more tears to glaze his cheeks. He was crying while masturbating. That was a knew one. Was he... depressed?

He sat there for a bit, his mind in a sort of haze, while he attempted to comprehend what had just happened. Not that he still wasn't painfully hard, it was... just something he had to take a bit to process. When his neglected cock throbbed against his hand, though, he couldn't ignore it any longer. He _had_ to cum, and he had to do it now, otherwise he probably would hate himself more. If he didn't already, of course.

Without even thinking about it, his legs had flattened over the bed during the minute or so he'd been thinking. Looking at the digital clock on his bed stand, it was 12:59. Now 1:00. He had to get to class at ten in the morning... but nobody cares if he came just a little late, right? He sat up and took off his shirt, glancing at the time, as if he expected it to change between the second he looked at it last. He pushed himself onto his knees, pressing his left cheek into his pillow. He pulled his sweatpants and briefs in one swift motion, a little gasp leaving his lips as he remembered Kenny loved teasing him, just to rush into the action. He bit his bottom lip, sniffling, as he reached into the bed stand's drawer, grabbing lube and a dildo that Kenny used to use on him. Of course, it wouldn't be as big or as long as Kenny. Even if it was, nothing could replace him in his mind.

Kenny usually prepped him, but he needed this _now_. Leopold lingered on memories where he had quickies with Kenny in janitor's closets or dressing rooms, where he'd tease the entrance a little bit before pushing himself inside all the way... but that was then, when they had sex practically every day when they got the chance. Leopold wasn't doing those things _daily_ anymore. But then he remembered something... something that made the small blonde change his mind and sit up on his knees.

He eyed the dildo and grabbed the lube, opening the cap. The noise when it popped reminded him more of that memory - their first time. They were both fifteen, in their sophomore year of high school, and Kenny stole lube and condoms from a nearby sex shop. They were doing it in Leopold's house, not caring of his stupid father or paranoid mother. They were just being two free gay teens. The thought made Leopold's heart swell.

He squeezed lube onto his hand and then he rubbed it on the dildo, biting his lip.

_"I picked the finest one for you, Buttercup," he said, beaming with joy at him._

Leopold was sixteen then. _He gripped the base of the dildo in his hands, examining it. "Oh, uh, I don't know if I can..."_

_"If you took me, babe, you can take this."_

_The thought made Leo -_ innocent and naïve then - _blush. "Where'd'ya even get this?" he asked, feeling the tip between nimble fingers._

_"I have my ways." Kenny smirked and winked._

Leopold shuttered slightly, bending over. The way Kenny was so mysterious always made Leopold want nothing more than his approval - and his mysteriousness reminded him of a peculiar little superhero named Mysterion. There were times where he'd want nothing more than have Kenny rail him in the Mysterion costume, but... his growth spurt made him outgrow that. And besides - he wasn't here anymore, was he?

With his cheek resting on his pillow, the dildo toyed idly against his entrance. Kenny used to do that - maybe even give his taint a lick or something, or kiss his inner thighs - but he wasn't here to do that anymore. And with that painful thought, he pushed the tip in as best as he could, earning a painful grunt as he took more and more in. And he remembered something from his first time.

_"God, you're taking my cock so well, aren't you, baby?" he purred into Leopold's ear, causing shivers down his spine. Then, out of breath, he leaned further in, sliding more and more inside. "You're taking it so deep, I wish you c-could fff-fucking see how good you are for me. G-god, I love you so much."_

Leopold whined slightly. _"Come on babe, relax a bit more. You want all of it, right? You can take it, just- ugh, you're so fucking tight."_ Even at his dirtiest, Kenny treated Leopold like he was an absolute princess who must be protected at all costs (even if Kenny was the princess). And with that encouragement from past Kenny, he felt his knuckles and proximal phalanges press against his ass. He did it - he fit the entire dildo in. Usually Kenny would praise him if he were here, but he wasn't. The pang of pain in his chest returned. But instead of stopping to dwell on feelings, he adjusted to the feeling of being filled again. It was a feeling that he thought he'd never return to. The feeling of sex and sin, something that was now foreign to him. Maybe he could masturbate normally. Or maybe he'd just have to painfully think of his dead fiancé every single damn time.

His eyebrows knitted together as a shaky breath left his parted lips. He propped his upper body on his elbow, looking back, as he began slowly pulling the dildo out of him. _"Kenny,"_ a moan of his past lingered in his mind. _"Please, break me."_

They were seventeen then, and Kenny had picked Butters up from his house after a particularly bad argument. Instead of wanting their soft vanilla sex, Butters... wanted more. Normal sex wouldn't cut it. He wanted Kenny to ram him, treat him like he was nothing but an object, a fleshlight to use for his carnal desires, and Kenny delivered. Kenny fucked him mercilessly in the back of Kevin's truck, with Leopold's face pressed against the window, spitting insults back at the house which homed his abusers.

_"Harder, please. Fffffuck!" Leopold begged, the windows of the car fogging up. Kenny gripped his waist tightly, pulling his hips as he snapped his hips forward, fucking him how he asked. "Fucking destroy me, Ken!"_

_"You're so needy," Kenny growled, dipping into a low tone. "I fucking love you, Buttercup."_

He'd never hear those words again. Butters let out a broken sob as he began fucking himself roughly with the dildo, penetrating himself repeatedly. Multiple memories of him invaded his mind. Phantom feelings of hands on his waist, his lower back, his ass, assaulted his senses. He began sniffling and tearing up, everything eating at him from the inside out. "Kenny, god, I miss you so fucking much, I- _Ahhh!"_

And with that, he had his first orgasm in... well, years.

Leopold laid on his back after pulling the dildo out and setting it on his bedside table, next to his lube. He can change the sheets in the morning, he told himself, as he finally pulled his sweatpants and briefs off. He pulled the sheets up to his chest, attempting to catch his breath. He looked at the clock. 01:10. He didn't last very long, but... it's been so long.

This would typically be the moment where Kenny gave him aftercare and... well, _loved_ him like the amazing man he was. But he _wasn't_ here at all, and he'd continue to not be here. Butters bet at the back of his mind that, if Kenny saw him now, he'd throw the world upside down to see Butters smile again - and while that thought hurt, it reminded Butters of why he continued to love Kenny, even after he was gone. He loved him so much he was unable to get over him, and he will continue to never get over him.

Butters, although smiling slightly, cried hard, like the day he did when he received the news. He pulled the warm blanket over his head, crying into it.

Maybe one day, Leopold will process Kenny's death, unscramble the pieces of their last 48 hours together, and finally put his memory to rest in his mind. Until then, however, he will wish for his sunlight to come back. After all - flowers don't grow without them, do they?


End file.
